i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
