Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
