Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
