so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
