Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
