I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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