I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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