member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
