Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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