This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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