I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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