omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ttyl tear gas
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
