someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
