you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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