she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
