Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
