I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
