My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
