I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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