the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
