I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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