i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
