How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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