Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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