You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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