why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
