one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
