Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
