Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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