I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
