Your dad touched me again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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