We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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