I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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