oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
