he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
