Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
