When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
