Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
