her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
