1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
