Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
