Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize