Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize