You're so nebulous sometimes
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
