Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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