ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
