apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
