She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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