reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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