i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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