we have officially lost it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Found the puke drawer
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
