I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
