i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
