i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
