Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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