I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
