This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize