maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
