those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
