3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
