oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
