I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
