OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
