I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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