Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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